Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
