i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
