wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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