I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
