Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize