Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
