When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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