I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Randomize
