I want to have your abortion
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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