Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
