What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
worst night to have a conscience
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
