He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
