You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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