How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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