I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
