I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize