I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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