My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
