wanna go halves on a baby?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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