so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
