God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
