Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
