i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
