Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
