Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
