I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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