Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
