If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
