Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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