shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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