I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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