I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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