we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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