we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
