We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
