Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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