They should really pass out barf bags in church
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's shark week go big or go home
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
