based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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