I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
