im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
