Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
