I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
