just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
