Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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