This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My pussy is not your playground.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize