On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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