yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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