Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
