Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
