we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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