He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
