last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
