don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
