so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
