I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
