The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
