I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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