so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
