question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
