i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
