yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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