So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
