My room smells like vodka and shame
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
