yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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