I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
