Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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