i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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