Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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