Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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