i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
