i jhust puked up my retainher.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
