We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
