I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
