I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let's get the cat blown out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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