I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
