Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
