I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
