I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize