i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're like the curious george of whores
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
