I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
