the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
