you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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