How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
