The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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