I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
