Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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