What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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