3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
