Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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