You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
