You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize