Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize