I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
