1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
