I just made out with a guy for $7.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
