I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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